So, you would like to know how I am doing? Well, where do I start! There is so much to tell, but I will narrow it down to the relevant points otherwise you would be reading his for a long time!
It’s difficult to know where it started because stress often doesn’t have a fixed starting point. I was doing so much at church and in my personal life that I was stretched to breaking point. I was then promoted at work, which was great. But it was extremely stressful, and compounded the problem. Although at that stage I didn’t realise that there was a problem.
What happened is that the stress started causing me to have prolonged panic attacks, which i would get for hours everyday. Over the months this led to depression, and obsessive negative thinking. So since September I have been tackling the depression mainly, with the anxiety now less of a problem.
But the good news is a leader at church started seeing me and gave me some very good advice. Over the last few months this advise has really been helping. In fact this last week I believe there has been a real breakthrough. Although having said that, I’ll have to see how I am over Feb to be 100% sure. But I really do think I have made a lot of progress. My obsessive thinking has dramatically decreased and I’m able to get stuff done every day.
I’ve also managed to keep going to work. I’m a manager of sorts – so this can sometime be demanding. So I’m pleased that I still have some responsibility and am not feeling stressed by it at all.
In terms of my walk with the Lord, it has been very difficult. Some of the negative thinking included deep emotional issues with curtain bible verses. Working through them and trusting in the Lord at times seemed like an impossibility. But my mum and dad and a select few christian friends helped me greatly, by praying for me, and having faith instead of me. Its very difficult to have faith or be expectant when you are depressed – even when you so want to. Therefore, to have people doing the leg work on your behalf was a perfect example of ‘carrying each others burdens’.
My church leader asked me not to complete theology or read my bible – this has been true for 2 months now. The church leader is keen that I learn to relate to God in different ways other than academically. I’m very passionate about apologetics and theology, but Steve wants to make sure that when I start running with them again, I’m not dependent on then for my relationship with God. So it’s all a bit knew for me, this non-reading lark, but I’m loving having the covering of the elders. It makes me feel secure! I think Steve will consider me getting back into theology in 2/4 weeks. He has indicated this may be the case. Whoopp!
I wonder if you knew you would have to read an essay when you asked me how I was!? Ha!